Smoothing the Transition to Secondary School
Moving to secondary school is a big step, but with a little bit of thought and preparation, you can help your tween feel ready.
Mental Preparation First
The first step is to simply make time for a conversation to happen. Proactively set time aside - get a date in the diary to do something together and ensure you are available on a daily basis for shorter periods of time. Lots of little conversations are better than one big one.
Begin with an open question that has a positive focus. This engages your child’s brain and helps them to think well for themselves. Something like ‘What are you most looking forward to about secondary?’ or if you know they aren’t looking forward to it, ask for just one thing they’re feeling pleased or excited about.
Then ask some further questions about how they’re feeling or what they might be worried about. Keep the focus on them thinking well for themselves, rather than jumping in and giving advice about what you feel they should do.
The point of simply listening is to help them articulate for themselves some of their worries and anxieties and by doing so externalise them. This helps reduce their anxiety.
If there are specific things they are worried about, problem-solve with your child to find some solutions. Ask on local Facebook groups about the new school or use them to find connections with other parents to get information. Being informed can help reduce anxiety.
You can also tell stories about your experience of transitioning to senior school, focussing on how you felt and if you had any difficulties, how you overcame them or what you might have done differently.
PRACTICAL PREPARATION NEXT
Do the school run several times with your child at the time of day they will be doing it, so they can get familiar with the route. If they will be going on their own, get them to do a test run on their own too. Work out travel costs and ensure travel cards are topped up.
As many children haven’t been able to actually visit their new school some have produced video guides which are on the school website. Look at those with your child or look at any photos you can find of the school so they are visually familiar with as much as possible.
Help them to make a morning timetable and an evening before school timetable so they are in control of what needs to be done.
Do the usual pre-term uniform purchasing in plenty of time for shoes to be broken in. In general senior school students do a lot more walking between classes and comfortable shoes are essential!
Label EVERYTHING! Include your phone number inside kit bags, backpacks, blazers & coats. School WhatsApp groups are littered with messages from desperate parents looking for kit left on trains and buses and having your number will help it come back to you.
prepare yourself
It’s not just a big step for our children, it’s also a bit step for us. My youngest starts secondary this year and as I write I’m feeling a bit emotional! Spend some time with yourself noticing how you feel about your baby growing up. It’s an age where children’s relationships with their parents shift. It can be hard but it is essential that you make the shift with them. Your relationship is changing but it is also maturing and there is no reason it won’t be just as deep as it has always been!
If you would like to know more about how to help you and your child through this stage of their life come along to one of my workshops for parents of tweens - info on the workshops page.
