Self Esteem & Social Media
The (unsurprising) conclusion of several studies is that social media raises social anxiety in teenagers, particularly in girls. My first reaction when I read these kinds of studies is to feel a wave of panic sweep over me. I have a 13-year-old daughter, her self-esteem is something I have spent over a decade nurturing. I want to pop her in a medieval tower to protect her from the dragons of social media. I want to react drastically and I’m guessing many of you feel the same.
Except…
Try that tactic and I know I will fail, locking my child in a tower is probably illegal and banning social media is tantamount to declaring war! So scaling down to a place of calm here are my tips. So far they have worked for me, social media has its pull on my kids but it doesn’t have a toxic hold.
Reality vs Social Perfection
Potter around the house with your child and get them to take social perfect photos, then get them to take all the photos they wouldn’t post - dirty dishes, laundry, dad lounging in his pyjamas on the sofa ;) Chat about what makes it ok for us to post certain things and not others, get them curious about other people’s reality.
Open Discussion
Acknowledging that social media is enticing and approaching conversations with understanding will help you talk honestly with your child about social media. Share how difficult you might find it to stop scrolling, how it makes you feel and what you do to help reduce its pull.
Likes
Lots of social media likes are addictive. It’s a feel-good hormone rush, but it’s a temporary one. Get your child interested in how the brain works, and discuss why 'likes’ feel good and how that feeling drives the need for yet another perfect post. Help them consider what would happen if the likes stopped or how others might feel looking at perfect posts. Having a plan that involves talking to you or another trusted adult if likes tail off is ideal. Ensure they are very aware that they are not the sum total of their online likes.
Set Limits
It can often seem too conflict-inducing to set limits, but your child needs you to act in their best interests even if they don’t like it. Click here to request my Free Screentime Workbook that can help you make decisions and problem-solve with your child. (Warning it involves you having a good look at your own phone & media use too!) Going offline as a family for a few days can help bring awareness to how you all feel.
Build Self-Esteem
Notice what is good about your child, all the things that you love about them that make them who they are. Share those things with your child. Often. They won’t get too big for their boots, or be spoilt or become conceited. Your appreciation of them will help them build a picture of themselves that is positive, this, in turn, helps reduce the toxic effects of social media.
Own Your Feed
Open a conversation about who your child follows on social media. What do they like about them? How do they feel when they see their posts? If posts make them feel bad about themselves in any way, encourage them to swap that follow out for one that inspires them or makes them laugh instead. Help them take ownership of their feeds.
If you have any concerns or don’t have the confidence to address the subject of healthy social media use and limits with your child in a way that won’t end in conflict, please get in touch. I feel really strongly that this is not a topic to be complacent about and I can answer any questions you may have!
