Creating a Smooth Morning Exit
Are your mornings filled with stress, tantrums, tears, resistance and frustration, and would you like them to run more smoothly? About 80% of my clients arrive with the same desire, so you're in excellent company!
While life occasionally throws you curve balls, sleepless nights and lost school shoes, small changes can help make derailed mornings the exception, not the rule.
Here are four steps to take and four factors to consider to make a smooth morning exit.
Step 1: Think it through.
Set time aside to problem-solve. Trying to make things better in the heat of the morning is going to be more challenging, so find another time to sit down with a cup of tea and answer these questions.
What is currently happening?
What would I most like to change?
What small step could I take to begin making that change?
Remember, change takes time, and some things, for example, stopping screen time in the morning, may worsen things before they improve. For success, stick to changes in your control and avoid a wish list of changes your child must make. When we change how we respond and what we do in the morning, we can facilitate change in our child's behaviour, but we cannot make it happen as they will always have free will.
Consider any changes in light of your family and your preferences. Try to avoid unhelpful comparisons and self-judgement.
Step 2: Communication
Talk to your child when you're both feeling calm and connected. Let them know that you're finding the mornings frustrating and you'd love to make them more enjoyable for both of you and still get out the door on time.
What ideas do they have?
What do they need help with, and what can they do independently?
The need for autonomy and speed often clash in the mornings. Involving your child in the planning helps them have ownership over their mornings and can reduce resistance and conflict.
Step 3: Experiment
Let your child know you're experimenting with changing the mornings up. Use as many of their suggestions as possible within any boundaries you would like to add. Experimenting rather than setting things in stone allows for failure without blame or shame.
Step 4: Review & Tweak
No plan, especially one with high input from a child, will be failsafe! Set an experimentation period and a date for a review. Again, when you feel calm and connected, chat about how the mornings are going. What's worked well, and where must the experiment be tweaked? Experimenting rather than setting things in stone allows for failure without blame or shame.
As well as the four steps above, there are four important factors to consider:
Factor 1: Sleep
Children should be able to wake up without assistance in the morning. If they are tired, look at their sleep and evening routine and modify if required.
Factor 2: Routine
Routines help children know what to expect and tend to reduce arguments. Try to find a pattern and rhythm for the mornings. Too many changes at once may unsettle your child, so make them at a pace that works for you both.
Factor 3: Connection & Pace
Factor in time to connect. A slow, unhurried wake-up hug gives your child the security they need to start the day on the right path. Hugs release oxytocin, which will help you feel calmer and enjoy the mornings more, so they're a win-win! Keep your pace relaxed and unhurried while still moving forward. Rush creates tension, and children tend to cooperate less when they feel tense.
Factor 4: Curiosity
What is your child communicating with their behaviour? For example, delay tactics such as refusing to put on shoes can indicate feeling anxious about separating from you. Seek to respond to the underlying communication, not the behaviour. Saying something that helps your child feel seen and understood, like "You're not keen on getting to school today. I'm wondering if something's bothering you. I can help with your shoes, and then you can tell me about it on the way to school." will help them move on from fixation on shoe refusal and tap into the real issue.
Thinking things through can be challenging, especially when you are sleep-deprived or feeling overwhelmed, anxious, guilty or stressed. My sessions offer head-space where you can gain clarity and the support you need to make the changes you want. If you want to learn more, please book a free Ignite Change Session.
