6 Strategies to Enjoy Parenting
Parenting is complex, and we can get tangled up in what matters and how to get it right. There is no one way to parent, and embracing our individuality helps us build an authentic bond with our children. This 6-point strategy helps you keep what matters in mind while letting your uniqueness shine through.
The strategies are as follows:
Calm: What self-awareness do I need to stay calm?
Confidence: What do I need to learn to parent confidently?
Curiosity: What question needs asking and answering?
Connection: Am I remembering to connect with my child with compassion & empathy?
Clarity: Is my information & instruction clear and understandable?
Consistency: Are my expectations, boundaries and communication consistent?
I know headspace isn’t exactly in abundance for most parents, but carve out a few minutes and consider each question - there are 6, so it might take six days or six weeks. However long it takes, that’s just fine: parenting is a stroll, not a sprint.
I’ve never met a parent who likes yelling at their kids or adults who liked being yelled at when they were kids. When a child is scared, they may comply with your instructions, but it doesn’t work to build the kind of close relationship that lasts into adulthood. Yelling also doesn’t make us feel good about ourselves. When we are calm, we make better choices and can guide our children thoughtfully and respectfully, making parenting much more enjoyable.
Responding to behaviour calmly takes two things.
The first is a commitment to try - unless we actively decide we want to respond calmly and don’t want to yell or overreact, it just won’t happen!
The second is self-awareness. We need to know our triggers, be curious about our thinking and how that affects our behaviour, and develop habits that keep us balanced.
When you know what helps you stay calm - taking some deep breaths, walking away for a moment if safe to do so, repeating a mantra in your head, etc.- you can practice using those tools until they become second nature.
You might find that you are still getting angry or upset despite consciously pausing to recentre. This is normal and suggests there may be inner healing that needs to happen first. Give yourself time to explore this or book a free Ignite Change session via my website - exploration is often easier with help.
Strategy 2 - Building Confidence
Keeping calm is only the first step. We also need to have the tools to respond effectively. Knowledge of what to do in challenging situations builds confidence. If you feel unsure about any aspect of your parenting, take time to think about it, talk with friends, or research ideas. When you are feeling confident, you will be able to navigate problematic behaviour more easefully. Be aware that information overload can leave you stuck, so choose sources carefully and allow yourself time to process new information and check that it aligns with your values.
Trusting yourself is also essential to feeling confident in your parenting. It may help to use journalling or other methods to tap into your inner wisdom and ease doubts about your ability to parent well. In my experience, parents don’t give themselves nearly enough credit, so don’t forget to give yourself a big pat on the back for what is going well!
Strategy 3 - Being Curious
Approaching behaviour challenges with curiosity will help you respond positively. When your child behaves in an undesirable way, do what you need to do to stay calm, then get curious.
What might my child be experiencing right now?
What might I feel like in this same situation?
Is their behaviour caused by something other than what it seems?
Children don’t misbehave because they want to be difficult. Their behaviour is how they communicate their inner world, so curiosity about what’s going on improves our understanding and responses. One upside of keeping an enquiring, open mind is that it may help you feel less irritated by their misbehaviour. It’s ok if you don’t know what’s being communicated immediately. Reflecting on behaviour after the event can also help you respond better the next time it crops up.
‘Why does my child keep doing this, even though they know they shouldn’t?’ is a common question I get. If you need help figuring out the answer, I’m only an email away - you can reach me here.
Strategy 4 - Connection
Even if we are curious and seek to understand our kids, sometimes we have no idea! Luckily, we don’t have to understand them fully to respond empathetically. Reflecting on what you see or asking for insight will help your child feel understood. We all want a little empathy and understanding, and often that is enough for your child to unburden themselves of whatever the real cause is and find their own way to improve their behaviour. We’re not expecting compassion to be a miracle cure for difficult behaviour; we’re offering it in the hope that our children will feel safe and loved. Our compassionate connection may bring tears, but they’ll be good tears that wash away what they need to, so our child can move on instead of staying stuck.
When a child is in an emotional muddle, words won’t cut it, so say less and use the power of touch to communicate. An arm around your child’s shoulder, a kiss on their head, and a good hug work wonders to connect.
Strategy 5 - Ensuring Clarity
When we deliver instructions or information, we must make sure it’s clear. It matters because unclear instructions can leave children frustrated or simply unable to follow what’s being asked of them - and a child who doesn’t understand isn’t being difficult; they’re stuck.
The first step is always to make sure your child is listening. Children take play very seriously, and it’s unlikely they will hear you if you instruct while they are in the midst of it. For best results, sit or crouch next to your child and engage them by commenting on what they’re doing. Then when they look at you, say in as few words as possible what you want your child to hear. Then check that they have understood.
Strategy 6 - Being Consistent
Finally, it helps to be consistent. It matters because children feel safest when they know roughly what to expect - from your reactions, your routines, and your boundaries. Without that, small moments of uncertainty can add up to a child who feels unsettled, even if nothing is actually wrong.
The consistency we’re after here isn’t about being rigid or inflexible - it’s about your approach to guiding and teaching your child, staying dependable over time. Your child’s ability to ride the wave of difficult emotions without resorting to unacceptable behaviour relies on having a close attachment bond with you, and that bond is built through this kind of steady, reliable presence.
There is no magic wand, and kids will behave in ways that we’d rather they didn’t. Still, if we follow these six strategies, we’ll deepen our relationship with them and create a safe, secure environment from which they can grow and thrive into adulthood.
Some of this is straightforward, and some strategies may need a spot of work! It took me time, failure, and patience to become the parent I wanted to be, and as my children change, I have needed to go deeper into my own journey of self-discovery to weather the wonders of the teen years.
If any of this resonates and you’d like some support of your own, I offer a free "Ignite Change” call to discover how I can support you. This isn’t a sales call; it’s a chance to talk through what’s going on for you and learn a bit more about how I work. If it feels right to book further sessions afterwards, I’ll give you the info you need.
