Prevent Feeling Overwhelmed by Parenting Challenges
It's easy to become overwhelmed as a parent, but there are manageable ways to reduce it. I'd invite you to pause for a moment, let your gaze fall on something pleasant and take five deep breaths. Now, think of a time of day when you feel most overwhelmed by parenting challenges.
So many parents, because of time pressures and their own stress, end up simply firefighting. Dampening down the flames but not spreading the embers, leaving the fire to flare up day after day.
If this sounds familiar, these five steps will help you to pause and make a plan to start addressing those challenges, slowly allowing those embers to cool enough to prevent them from reigniting.
Step 1:
Decide you want change to happen. When we're time-poor, we can often wish for change without actively deciding to work on making that change happen. We need to be specific and intentional if anything is going to improve.
Step 2:
Closely observe the current situation - David Attenborough style. Knowing what happens before, during and after the disorderly period helps you gain fuller understanding.
Step 3:
Get curious. Think about what your child is experiencing, how you both feel and what might be causing the challenges.
Step 4:
Experiment with a couple of small steps you can take that may improve things. These must be steps that are fully in your control and not changes your child must make.
Step 5:
Review the changes you have made after a few days or weeks and decide what needs to happen next.
It might look like this:
Sofia won't sit still at dinner time. She hops up and down, spills things, puts grubby hands on the walls and generally drives her dad mad.
Step 1:
He decides what he wants to change.
He would like to stop yelling at her and would like her to sit on her bottom while eating. He realises not yelling is entirely up to him and that he can only help and influence her to sit still, not control whether she does.
Step 2:
He observes the current situation.
He makes a note over a few days of the routine from when he picks her up from school, during the meals and afterwards.
Step 3:
He gets curious.
He wonders what's causing the ants in Sofia's pants. He wonders what drives him to get so cross about it. He wonders what change he could make to improve things. He wonders what she needs help with. He talks it through with his partner, and he chats with friends about their experiences.
Step 4:
He decides on a few small steps.
He schedules a 15-minute danceathon with Sofia when they get home from school to address reconnecting (he noticed he was distracted and not fully present) and to burn off energy (he had observed she was sitting still watching TV after school until meals).
Step 5:
He reviews it.
After a week, he observes again. He notices he feels less irritated due to taking proactive action. He sees that bouncy mealtime behaviour is much reduced but still happens on certain days, so he makes a mental note to do some more observations on those days.
Stress in parenting is often caused by feeling we have no control over a situation and are helpless to make our children behave. By following these steps, we focus on making changes that are in our control, which reduces feeling overwhelmed. By observing closely, we also often notice the whole picture - what is going well and not just the challenges we face.
View the steps you take as experimentation. Some will work, and some won't, and that's to be expected. If a step you take yields no improvement, you haven't failed. You just haven't found the right step yet. Go back to observing and being curious, and you'll find a new path to bring harmony to your current turmoil.
If you would like to talk through the process in relation to your situation, please book a chat here: Ignite Change Session
