How To Put Yourself First - Because You're Worth It!

You might be wondering how on earth you can find time to put yourself first with everything there is to be done, especially if you have a family to look after. It may even feel like a selfish thing to do, but the truth is, finding time for self-care and prioritising your health and well-being benefits not just you, but your whole family.

So, what is self-care and how do we make it happen? The self-care I’m talking about is looking after ourselves from the inside out. I’m not talking about buying yourself expensive things or treating yourself to cake. There is nothing wrong with those things, but how you make the decision to do them is what matters.

If for example, you are treating yourself because you feel upset or angry or frustrated then the treat won’t feel like the reward you thought it would. In a moment of resentment, you decide you are putting yourselves first so off you stomp to buy the gorgeous dress that’s been lurking in your online basket or gobble that cake. Unfortunately, chances are, that no sooner have you spent the money or eaten the cake, regret, doubt and all too often self-loathing will start to creep in.  Where’s the reward you know you deserve? Why do you feel so rubbish when the ads say you’ll feel great and other people seem to do these things without any problem?

The bottom line is you do deserve rewards, we all do, but if you don’t truly believe you do, then they won’t feel like rewards. Gifts to yourself need to come from a place of love. Think about getting just the right birthday present for your child, not something they have been demanding, but something you know they’ll treasure. You found it, you could afford it and you were pretty sure they’ll love it because you know them so well. As they open it, you see their excitement and joy and knowing you got just the right thing warms your heart. You share their joy.

Gifts we give ourselves need to come from the same place. We need to know and understand ourselves well enough to know what we need, to know what will give us true excitement and joy. We need to know that the cost – financial or emotional won’t detract from that joy. We need to give ourselves gifts because we love ourselves, not to buffer our emotions because we don’t.

The ability to love yourself can feel unobtainable if you are in the habit of self-loathing or negative judgement, but a habit, like all habits, can be changed. How we really feel about ourselves and what we’re really saying to ourselves can be deep seated and often unconscious. We believe a whole host of horrible things regardless of evidence to the contrary. We’ve become so used to those thoughts popping up in our mind we don’t even question their truth or their impact on pretty much every part of our lives. But just because they are our thoughts doesn’t mean they are true – in fact they often are far from the truth.

There is no quick fix or positive quote or treat you can reward yourself with that is going to provide self-love. We need to spend time with our thoughts in an environment which will ignite our very best thinking, we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to feel our emotions and to have the courage to change and the will to be kinder to ourselves. We need to know that whatever we currently believe about ourselves we are worthy of love. We need to seek it from ourselves and know that to find it will generate the highest reward. 

No blog post is going to empower you to love yourself but I set out to write this because I believe it’s worth you knowing that a relationship with yourself – one where you treat yourself as someone you love unconditionally – is possible and is worth the journey. I’m hoping that if you don’t feel self-love and if treating yourself doesn’t bring the expected satisfaction that this will serve as a little nudge to start that journey. After all, in the words of Whitney ‘Learning to love yourself…it is the greatest love of all.’ And while her words ‘It’s easy to achieve’ might not always ring true you won’t know if you don’t begin…

*It’s a journey that will be easier with professional support, in whatever form suits your needs, so do reach out for the help you need and if you need help deciding what would be best, book in a session with me to get clarity on your next steps.